I find myself, more often than not, disappointed. What am I disappointed in you may ask? I can create a long list of things that piss me off like people not pulling over for an emergency vehicle but all that disappointment revolves around humanity including myself. What do I want? Peace. World Peace. I don't want people sad. I hate to see people suffer. I hate seeing religion top human lives. Now I did attend a christian university and I understand where people of religions get their ideals from and it's very important to them but it's not worth killing. I, as an idealist and moderator, want things to be black and white but that is not the case and I understand that. I know there are two or more sides to a story. I try to listen to them and make my own decision but my decision is usually just a dream of something that can not be accomplished. And that very truth is what kills me because if there's nothing that can be accomplished then what is it worth trying for? Of course I wont give up and fall a lot but get back up but I am chasing an endless path to nowhere. I am an idealist with anxiety and depression. I soak in other peoples emotions and try to help even when I don't have the resources or energy to do so. I don't want animals to suffer but I can't give up meat. I want to help tigers but I am too scared and lazy. I thought that when I got older that things would be easier and I would know and understand myself better but that is the opposite from the truth. I question more. I speak my views more. I cry when I see the names of victims. Heck, I cry when I see a cat in the road and will go out of my way not to see it next time so I don't cry but that doesn't mean it's not there. That doesn't mean me taking a different route will save any more animals from getting hit. I want to boycott Jimmy Johns for the owner going trophy hunting in Africa but I don't want the employees to lose their jobs.
The downfall of wanting things to be positive and perfect. How boring.